Max Pemberton: Family is our ready-made social circle

Looking at pictures of Prince Harry on his recent solo trip to Lesotho, I couldn’t help but feel wistful. The old Harry seemed to be back.

He laughed, joked and charmed everyone with that cheeky smile and mischievous twinkle in his eye.

As his wife Meghan undertook an engagement thousands of miles away in California, I had feelings of sadness towards her too but for different reasons.

While her husband shone she looked lost, uncomfortable and — despite the crowds and cameras — rather alone when she attended a children’s hospital fundraiser.

As a former jobbing actress Meghan would have known only too well how brutally harsh and fickle the world of celebrity can be.

She may have experienced that crushing feeling of queuing at a premiere or party, waiting to be interviewed, only to be cut short when someone more interesting appeared behind her. Last week, on the red carpet, it almost felt like she was back there.

It was a huge shift from her time as a working member of the Royal Family when she was always the guest of honour, always the one everyone was there to see.

Lots of people have commented on how stepping away from the glitz and pomp of the Royal Family has seen the Sussexes’ celebrity status taking a nosedive. But, for me, the far greater tragedy is how the social isolation must have diminished their lives.

Although distancing yourself from your family may seem like a good idea at the time, especially following a tiff, the reality is that family bonds are powerful.

They are both nurturing and anchoring and severing them can leave us adrift.

Of course, there are times when families are so toxic and damaging that they need to be permanently cut from their lives.

But most of the time, family is a ready-made, if at times infuriating, social circle that will always be there and guarantees you’ll never be alone.

It felt rather strange to see the duke and duchess carrying out separate engagements. We’re so used to them coming as a package deal, their hands seemingly superglued together in a tight grip, something that sometimes seemed less of a public display of affection and more like a clinging on for dear life as they navigated the road ahead.

Working so close with your partner does mean that you always have someone close by who has your back, and who is on your side, which is very comforting. But there’s a downside too. You lose your sense of self and your own identity.

When you live and work together there’s little downtime or respite from one another. Even the most loved-up couple needs a break from time to time.

I’ve had a few patients over the years who have worked with their husband or wife and it’s rarely plain sailing as it takes a very particular type of person to be seen as a unit, rather than an individual.

One patient’s relationship didn’t survive and I have no doubt that working with their partner was largely to blame. They were highly successful fashion designers who had their own successful clothing label.

They lived together, ran the business, appeared at countless functions and were together every minute of every day. The strain was immense.

Neither of them were particularly hungry for fame but, as one of them told me after they’d split, they simply started to forget who they were and relied on each other for absolutely everything. It was too much.

That pressure has got to be even more intense when you live your life in the world’s spotlight.

Meghan is a smart and educated woman and she must know that her cachet comes courtesy of marrying a prince. There’s no sugar-coating it, although a successful actress, Meghan’s star would never have shone as bright if she hadn’t married one of the most famous men on the planet.

Knowing that your status is even partly dependent on someone else is a tough place to be in psychologically as it magnifies your own fragility.

For most people — royalty or otherwise — it’s important to get emotional succour from several different sources, such as colleagues, family, and old friends.

Variety is essential as it’s psychologically stifling to look to one person for everything. I can’t help but wonder if Harry and Meghan are starting to realise that.