Anxiety Aunt: Should I remark on my wife’s hairdo if it takes me a week to notice or just keep quiet?

Dear Aunty, I recently got my hair cut and when a younger female colleague commented on it, I told her my wife of 30 years hadn’t noticed. But I told her not to feel too bad for me because I often don’t notice when my wife gets her hair done either, though my bank account certainly takes a hit. Sometimes I realise a few days or even a week or two later, and wonder whether I should say something at that stage or if that would simply draw her ire by making it clear it took me a while to notice? What would you advise? Yours, Keen To Stay Wed Dear Keen To Stay Wed, My good man, your Aunt finds it somewhat amusing that you are asking a spinster for marital advice when you yourself have been married for 30 years. However, One would say based on your impressive innings, any perceived transgression on your part is clearly not grave enough to warrant a rethink on your wife’s commitment to your relationship. Yes, it would probably be in your interests to be a little more observant when it comes to her appearance, but at this stage she is unlikely to divorce you because you didn’t notice she’d changed her hair from “light golden blonde” to “medium golden blonde” for autumn. And One would say no response is infinitely better than proclaiming “Good lord woman, what have you done to your barnet?” Which is precisely what old Bert Saunders stammered when your Aunt foolishly let the young girl from over the back fence practise her hairdressing skills (or lack thereof) at One’s expense. Said teen is currently working as an apprentice hairdresser, but seeing her frustration over the snail’s pace at which her training is moving and how she hasn’t been allowed anywhere near actual hair unless sweeping it up off the floor sparked a feeling of sympathy within your Aunt. One has always been a firm believer in chasing your dreams, hence why One took off to travel the world as a cancan dancer at the under-ripe age of 17. Yes, One is aware that was young and, yes, One did have to doctor some documentation to make it happen, but life and the world were beckoning and One was itching to flash One’s knickers far and wide. So, with One’s own experiences in mind, your Aunt always tries to encourage young people with a passion to pursue it wholeheartedly. And so, somewhat foolhardily, One agreed to let the eager teen loose on One’s own locks. But in this instance it did not end well for your Aunt. To be fair it wasn’t necessarily the young lady’s fault as your Aunt did give her carte blanche to do whatever it was she wanted to do to practise her skills. So, she did it all. Your Aunt has long ignored One’s greying hair and have tended to wear it in a tight knot. Now, One is sporting a peach-tinted, permed bob that cannot even be tied back to disguise how horrific, and somewhat lopsided, the whole shebang is. Of course, after Bert made his most unhelpful remark, he proceeded to spend the rest of our afternoon gin session laughing uproariously, to the point where your Aunt got the hump and stomped inside and left him guffawing on the veranda like a hyena having some kind of epileptic fit. Honestly, a former redhead with about 10 white strands to call his own should really think twice about throwing stones from his glass house. But that man doesn’t know the meaning of the word diplomacy. And he has clearly also forgotten that your Aunt neither forgives nor forgets. One simply bides One’s time. But back to you, Keen To Stay Wed. One would suggest you continue to follow the “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” approach when it comes to your relationship. After all, the “happy wife, happy life” mantra has endured for a reason. Go well, good sir.